Lifegem and Purplekitty's Guide to Annoying Dimentio
by sapphire316
Summary: What do you get when you take a wizard, a half cat girl, and a magical jester and put them in the same castle for 20 days? Total chaos, that's what! Can Dimentio survive the wrath of two extremely annoying girls? Read to find out! First story, please review!


_Lifegem and Purplekitty's Guide to Annoying Dimentio_

L: Hey everyone! I'm Lifegem, and-

P: I'm Purplekitty!

L: Yes, thank you Kitty. Anyway, we love to visit the Mushroom Kingdom and-

P: And visit our favorite characters! Mine is Peach and Gem's is Daisy!

L: Would you stop? So we recently paid a visit to-

P: Castle Bleck!

L: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT! COME HERE YOU!

P: (screams)

Thud! OW! PONG!

L: (standing up) I love frying pans, I really do. Anyway, as I was saying before I was RUDELY INTURRUPTED,

P: nnnnnnnngggggg

L: Oh get over yourself. So, we recently paid a visit to Castle Bleck with one mission in mind- to annoy Dimentio. When we came back, we wrote about what we did there. And I have to say, we did a pretty good job. Enjoy!

Annoyance 1: BED JUMPING!

Dimentio headed to his room. He had had a long day- the Count had made him clean the whole castle- without magic. "All I did was blow up one of his thousands of monocles." He grumbled as he floated up the stairs. "Sigh, like a flea, the Count is more annoying than anything else." (Thats what you think! :D) When he reached his door, he stopped. He heard, laughter? It sounded like girls' laughter. And there was also a constant thudding sound. * I must be going crazy * he thought as he opened the door. Well, Dimentio may have been crazy, but he wasn't hearing things. There were two girls jumping on his bed, laughing hard. One of them was dressed in all green, with a hood that covered her whole face except for her eyes, with fake cat ears at the top, and a flag on her back, and was holding a long stick that had a top that was twisted around a bright green orb. There was a small red and yellow dog barking around her ankles. The other was dressed in purple, had REAL cat ears, as well as a tail, and a cat was looking up at her from the floor, meowing. He just stood there in the door until the one with the dog noticed him. "Oh! Hi Dimentio!" She called out to him. "Hi Dimmy!" The other exclaimed. Dimentio couldn't have been more confused. "Ok," he said. "One, who are you, two, how do you know my name, and three, how did you even get in here?" The girls jumped down. "I'm Lifegem, but you can call me Gem." The one in green said, pulling down her hood, revealing a pink ponytail. "And I'm Purplekitty! But just call me Kitty." Said the one in purple. "Second question," said Gem. She and Kitty shared a look, nodded and got on either side of him and yelled "VIDEO GAMES!" Dimentio was so startled he fell out of the air. Getting back up, he said "Oh right, forgot about that." "And third question," said Kitty, "Your door was unlocked, and we wanted to jump on your bed, so, we came in and jumped on your bed," Dimentio just stared. "And why exactly did you want to jump on my bed?" Both girls shrugged. "What are you even doing in the castle?" "Oh," said Gem. "We told the Count we had a project to do on someone who lived here, so he said we could stay here as long as we needed to complete it." "And what is the project?" The girls smirked at each other, then pointed at him, and shouted "ANNOYING YOU!" Dimentio groaned. And he'd thought his life couldn't get any worse.

Annoyance 2: THIRD PERSON TALKING!

Dimentio had hardly gotten any sleep last night because Gem and Kitty had kept trying to sneak into his room to jump on his bed- yes, with him still in it. When he asked them why, they always responded the same way- Gem would say "To annoy you," and Kitty would pick up with "Is our life's dream!" He would send them back to the guest room, but they would be back in about 10 minutes doing the same exact thing, only more annoying each time he saw a flash of green or a tail disappearing around a bookshelf or something. They finally stopped at around 3:00 in the morning. Dimentio was sure they had finally gotten tired and gone to sleep, but no, they were busy preparing for their second annoyance. Anyway, Dimentio was so tired he could barely float down the hallway without falling to the floor. He was still half asleep, so he thought nothing of it when he saw two mini counts in front of him. A few, uh, steps? away from them he realized what he had just seen. His head shot up and he whipped around. "What the?" He said in surprise. The two Blecks smiled back at him. The one on the left (Gem, although Dimentio didn't know it) spoke first. "Count Bleck orders you to..." Left Bleck looked at Right Bleck ( Kitty, obviously) for help. "Clean all the toilets in the castle!" Right Bleck piped up. Then they both said "BLEH HEH HEH! BLECK!" Dimentio raised his eyebrow. He'd recognize those voices anywhere- after all, he had to listen to them all night. "Gem, Kitty, why are you dressed up as the Count?" They pulled off the masks they had spent all night making. "To annoy you," "Is our-" Dimentio covered their mouths. "Shut... Up..." He hissed, his face only inches from theirs. The girls nodded, shared a glance, and Gem said "Of course Dimentio, Gem will stop. Isn't that right Kitty?" She nudged Kitty as she said the last few words. "Oh, yes," said Kitty, taking the hint. "Kitty agrees completely." Dimentio, seeing what they were going to do, moaned. He flew downstairs rubbing his forehead, all the while being followed by Gem and Kitty, still talking in the third person.

Annoyance 3: TRAGIC NEWS... NOT!

Dimentio woke up tired yet again. As you may have expected, Gem and Kitty had bothered him all night again. This time, they had stood outside his door whispering in the third person. *They really did their research.* he thought as he headed downstairs. *They knew the Count annoys me to no end.* He floated into the TV room, only to find Gem and Kitty sitting on the couch sobbing. "Uhh..." He said cautiously. "What's wrong?" The girls only cried harder. Gem was the first to find her voice. "Oh Dimentio, sniff, it's horrible!" Kitty picked up from there, for Gem went into a crying fit (which was actually a laughing fit disguised as crying, mind you) with "It's the Count! He... He..." "He what!?" Shouted Dimentio, getting irritated now. "He died!" The two shouted together. They then burst into silent giggles disguised as sobs. They were covering their faces to hide the fact that they weren't crying. Dimentio froze. A slow smile spread across his face. He shot up higher into the air and yelled, not quietly, "YES!" The Count, who obviously WASN'T dead, heard Dimentio and walked in. "Count Bleck demands to know what is going on here!" Now, luckily for Dimentio, he had already gone back to his normal altitude, so he wasn't as embarrassed as he could have been, but he WAS very embarrassed. Even through his mask, you could see his face turning bright red. He turned to glare at Gem and Kitty, who were smiling sweetly as if nothing had happened. "Why you little-" Gem cut in "I wouldn't finish that sentence if you want to keep on living." He stared at them coldly, but fell silent. Suddenly, Kitty stood up and walked to the other side of the room. For the first time, Dimentio noticed the video camera set up against the wall. "Oh no..." He whispered, and although he still had his mask, his face was obviously white as a sheet. "That's going on the Internet." Said Kitty, smiling. A few minutes later, Dimentio was sitting outside the meeting room with his head in his hands, listening to all of the minions watching the video of Gem and Kitty's prank. He sat up and glared at nothing in particular. "They will not get me next time." He muttered. "Next time, I'll be ready."

Annoyance 4: RELEASE THE KITTY!

Dimentio sighed. Ever since yesterday, everyone had been ignoring him, and Tippi, Nastasia, and of course Count Bleck were giving him dirty looks whenever they passed him. *Well, to be expected* he thought grumpily. *They just found out I want the Count dead.* He shook his head and floated down the hall. Suddenly, Gem popped out of NOWHERE and tackled him. "KITTY!" She shouted. "I got him! Hand me the rope!" "Rope!?" Dimentio cried. Kitty came running down the hall with some rope, her cat, Anastasia , right on her heels. Soon enough, Gem's dog, Scout came bolting down the hall too. Although you might not think so, Anastasia and Scout were actually really good friends. Strange how life works huh? Anyway, even before Kitty reached them with a rope, Gem jumped up, clutching her long stick thing. "What was that for!?" Dimentio shouted at her. Saying nothing, Gem raised the stick and green light came out of it. It bound him easily and he fell to the ground. "WHAT IS THIS!?" He yelled even louder than before. "Oh yeah," said Gem, pretending like she had forgotten something. "I forgot to mention- I'm a wizard." Dimentio understood now, the stick she carried around wasn't just a branch off a tree, it was a staff. Suddenly, Kitty was on him with a bundle of sparkling rope. Once she had tied it around him, she gave Gem a thumbs up, and the young wizard released the spell. Dimentio tried to teleport away, but he found he couldn't. "Anti-magic rope." Kitty said simply, reading his mind (yeah, not really. It was pretty obvious). Gem spoke next. "Ok Kitty, get ready, I'll take him and we'll go get her." *her?* Dimentio thought nervously.

A few minutes later: "Gem," "Yes Dimentio?" "Can you please explain why you're tying Tippi to my back?" "Yeah, why?" Asked Tippi. "You'll see soon." Replied Gem, smiling. "Like a thief shrouded in shadows, you reveal nothing about your evil plan." Muttered Dimentio under his breath. "Oh no." Said Gem sarcastically. "He's getting all "simileish" on me." "That's not even a word!" "Exactly." Finally, Gem finished tying Dimentio and Tippi together and headed to a door behind them. She cried "RELEASE THE KITTY!" And opened the door smirking. Kitty exploded out the door yelling "I'M COMING FOR YOU TIPPI! AND I'LL KILL ANYONE WHO'S IN PUNCHING DISTANCE!" Luckily for Dimentio, Gem had only used anti-teleporting and exploding rope, so he could still float. He shot up into the air, narrowly avoiding Kitty leaping up to try to catch them.

A few minutes later: "Um, Gem?" "Huh? Oh, hi Nastasia." "What's going on? I just saw Dimentio flying by with Tippi tied to his back being chased by Kitty." "Oh that, it's a long story. A fun one, but long." Suddenly, Dimentio limped into the room. He was in pretty bad shape. His hat was in shreds, his clothes were torn, his mask was nearly falling off, and he was bleeding. Strands of rope still hung all over him. You know how I said limped? Well, I meant more like dragging himself in on the floor. He looked up at Gem. "How did you forget to mention that Kitty has claws?" Gem, smiling said "It must have slipped my mind." Dimentio just glared, then dragged himself back to his room, where he proceeded to heal himself and fix his clothes.

Annoyance 5: MASK!

"Ok, let's go." Whispered Gem excitedly. She and Kitty were once again sneaking into Dimentio's room. This time, Kitty was carrying a bottle of superglue. She pushed the door open and crept silently in, Gem right behind her. "Ok, let's do it." Whispered Kitty. "You know," said Gem thoughtfully. "I've always wondered what his real face looks like." "Me too." Said Kitty nodding. "And it looks like we're about to find out." They looked over at Dimentio. "OMG he has hair." Said Gem in surprise. It was true, Dimentio's hair was jet black, and a bang hung over his eye, much like Rosalina's did. "I wonder why we've never noticed that before." "Really Kitty? He keeps his giant hat on all day! How would it be possible to see it?" "Good point. Maybe that's why it's so messy." "Either that, or because he's in bed!" Gem said a little too loud. Dimentio stirred, then fell back asleep. "Man, this guy can sleep." Said Kitty. "Ok, that's enough talk." Said Gem. "Let's just do this and get out of here before he wakes up." Kitty nodded, and they snuck over to his bed. "I wonder why he sleeps with this thing on." Said Kitty. Gem shrugged, and they both grabbed the mask and gently lifted it up. They stared at what they saw. Finally, Kitty broke the silence. "Ok, this was not at all what I was expecting." The jester's face was white, and with his black hair it gave him the appearance of a vampire. Although you couldn't see it, the girls knew that one of his eyes was as black as his hair, and the other a glowing yellow. Then, Gem said "Then what were you expecting?" "... I don't really know." "Me neither, Kitty, but we gotta do this." "Then lets do it!" They nodded together and flipped the mask over. They spread superglue all over it, making sure not to touch it. They then pressed it gently onto Dimentio's face... upside down. They flinched once when the jester moved a little, then finished sticking his mask to him, and bolted out of the room, snickering as they went.

The next day: Dimentio awoke with a strange feeling on his face. His first thought was *the girls.* He slowly raised a hand to his face. When he felt the mouth slit where his eyes were, he scowled. He tried to pull the mask off so he could rearrange it, but found he couldn't. The jester yanked it as hard as he could, but he couldn't get it off. As he got dressed, he muttered to himself. "Like foxes those girls are sly... I can't believe they did this... why superglue?" He slammed his hat on his head and floated angrily downstairs to confront them. He found them in the meeting room with the other minions. They were facing the door, while the others had their backs to him. "So yeah, I hate Tippi." Kitty was saying. "I've always been a Bleck+Nastasia fan." "Yeah, once, she texted me while she was playing Super Paper Mario saying "I'm gonna kill that stupid butterfly!"" Gem piped up. "Well," began Count Bleck. "Count Bleck hopes you know the severity of what you have done, Kitty. Timpani is now laying in bed with many broken bones and deep gashes. However, you are just a child, and Count Bleck is letting you off with a warning. You may, if you can't control it, simply tease Timpani, but this is going too far." "I'm sorry, Count." Said Kitty, hanging her head. Then, her and Gem froze. They slowly began to smile as they stared past the minions at the door where Dimentio now hovered. They burst out laughing, and the minions turned. They saw Dimentio, nearly steaming with rage, with his mask glued to his face upside down. They too erupted into fits of laughter. The jester wasted little time in scolding the girls for what they had done. He then went to find a computer where he could look up ways to remove superglue.

Annoyance 6: TAYLOR!

"Gem, are you sure your friend can help us?" "Trust me Kitty, Taylor is one of the most annoying people I know." "But what about-" "Kitty, I said ONE OF." "Oh! Ok!" Gem and Kitty were once again dreaming up a way to annoy Dimentio. This time, Gem was calling her friend Taylor. Gem dialed her number on her cell phone. "Hey Taylor! It's me, Gem! I need your help with something. But first, let me just ask you one thing, do you mind being locked in a closet with a magical jester? Yeah, I didn't think you'd understand. You see, we're trying to annoy him, and we need your help. Oh, me and my friend Kitty. So what do you say? Great! Ok, see you later! Bye!" "Well?" Asked Kitty expectantly. "She's in!" "Great! When is she coming?" DING DONG! The doorbell rang. "I think that's her right now!" Gem and Kitty raced down the stairs. The Count was heading to the door, when the girls ran by him yelling "It's ok Count! We'll get it!" "Um... Ok... Said Count Bleck..." Gem reached the door first and yanked it open. "Hey Taylor!" She exclaimed. "Hey Gem!" Said Taylor. Kitty cleared her throat loudly. "Oh right! Taylor, this is Kitty. Kitty, this is Taylor." "Hiya." Said Kitty. "Hi." "Ok, now this is awkward." Said Gem. "So lets just get down to business." "Ok." Said Kitty. "Take me to the jester." Said Taylor, eager to annoy. On their way to Dimentio's room, Gem and Kitty explained who Dimentio was and what they were doing. "I have one question." "What?" The two girls said at once. "Why is this place in the middle of a black hole?" Gem and Kitty looked at each other, then turned back to Taylor and shrugged. They now stood outside the jester's door. They entered to find Dimentio lying on his bed reading. "Oh Dimentio!" Gem and Kitty said in sing-song voices. Sighing, he looked up- and fell off the bed. "T-there are... THREE of them!?" He stuttered. "Sheesh, nice to meet you too." Muttered Taylor. "Dimentio, this is my friend Taylor." Said Gem. "Now, if you don't mind, we'll be locking you in the closet with her. And we're also using anti-magic rope." "Wait what?" In a matter of seconds, Dimentio was wearing a necklace made of anti-magic rope, and was being tossed into his own closet. Taylor followed him in and closed the door behind her. The lock clicked.

A few minutes later: These sounds could be heard coming from upstairs: "GET AWAY FROM ME!" "Oh but jester, I must annoy you!" "BY BITING ME!?" "Hey! I'm weird like that!" "GAAAAAAHHHH!" Downstairs: "Um... What was that?" The Count asked Gem and Kitty. "That, my Count," said Gem smiling. "Is the sound of a jester being tortured."

Three hours later: "Ok, Kitty. Lets let him out." "Ok! All this screaming is getting annoying." "Yeah. Oh, and you might wanna stand back." Kitty did what she was told and stepped aside. Gem opened the door and leaped out of the way. The jester shot out of his closet like a speeding bullet (heh... Simile!) screaming his head off. Taylor stepped out smiling. "Wanna know what I did?" "We heard." The other girls said together. They said goodbye to Taylor, then headed back to the guest room to think of another way to annoy Dimentio.

Annoyance 7: JUST DANCE!

"Hurry up L! Sheesh you take forever!" "Remind me again why you're making put a Wii in here?" Gem spoke up from the other side if the room where she was reading the manual. "1. Wiis are awesome. 2. It's on the list." "List? What list?" "Maybe we don't want to tell you." Said Kitty mysteriously. L sighed and went back to work. Finally, it was set up. (If you were wondering why Mr. L was there, long story short, we hit Luigi with a frying pan) "There." He said. "Can I go now?" "Oh trust me," said Gem with a smile. "You're gonna wanna see this." Soon, they had all the minions except Dimentio gathered in the TV room on the couch. Kitty went to get Dimentio and came back dragging him by his legs. "Ow! What are you- Gah! Stop it!" The jester was yelling as he tried to hold on to the floor. "Really?" Said Gem raising one eyebrow. "What? He wouldn't come, so I dragged him in." Replied Kitty walking by (and purposely stepping on Tippi's foot). Kitty pushed him to his feet and shoved him toward the TV. Then Gem shoved a Wii remote in his hand. "What are you doing?" Asked Dimentio. The girls looked at each other and yelled "Just Dance!" "Wha-" they pushed him closer. Gem and Kitty picked up their own Wii remotes and set up a dance session. "What should we do Gem?" "How about 'Call Me Maybe'?" "Good idea!" "Oh I hate that song!" Dimentio moaned. "Too bad for you." Said Gem. "You have to dance to it!" Said Kitty enthusiastically. "And what happens if I don't?" Gem and Kitty whispered together for a few moments, then said "You don't want to know what we'll do!" Dimentio eventually gave in and soon they were all watching Gem and Kitty rocking the dance floor while Dimentio "attempted" to keep up.

Annoyance 8: FRACKTAIL!

DING DONG! "We'll get it!" Dimentio heard the girls yell. He hoped whoever was at the door wouldn't be one of their crazy friends. He waited, and when he heard nothing, went back to the book he was reading. Just then, Gem skipped in."Hey Dimentio!" She called out to him. He acknowledged her with a "Meh." "Whatcha reading?" "A book." "No really!" "Sigh, Gem, what do you want?" "Oh right, I just came to tell you that you had a visitor." Dimentio looked up at her suspiciously. "Is it Taylor?" "No." They heard Kitty yelling "Gem! Hurry up! I can't keep him back much longer!" "Just hang in there!" "Ok! Oof! I'll try! Ahh!" "Him? Who's him?" "You'll see, just come to the door!" "Or?" "Or I'll make you play Just Dance again!" "Ok, fine!" Gem led Dimentio down the hall to the front door, where they saw Kitty pressed up against the door, jolting a few times. There was a consistent pounding noise outside. "Ok Kitty, you can let go now." Kitty leaped away from the door panting. The door shot open, revealing a huge eye staring in at them. The jester nearly jumped out of his skin. "Fr-fracktail?" He stammered, his eyes wide. "I AM ERROR!" The giant robotic dragon shouted. "Have fun Dimentio!" Gem cried, pushing him outside and slamming the door shut behind him. "Wait, what?" Dimentio tried to open the door, and found it was locked. "Like cold hearted snakes those girls are evil!" He muttered. Fracktail's tail came smashing down next to him. "BZZRT! MUST REPEL VIRUS!" "Virus!?" Dimentio flew as fast as he could, snapping his fingers a couple times to try to blow up the robot. Fracktail, however, was undaunted by the jester's attempts. The dragon was clearly out for revenge. Dimentio was soaring faster than a hummingbird, but not faster than Fracktail. He swiftly caught up with him, and in about 2 seconds, Dimentio was sprawled on the ground in pain. The girls ran outside and Gem cast a spell at Fracktail to make him teleport back to his home, the Yold Desert. She and Kitty dragged Dimentio inside and laid him down on the couch. "Do you think I should heal him?" "Nah. He needs to learn his lesson." "And what lesson would that be?" "Never to listen to us."

Annoyance 9: QUOTES!

Dimentio headed into his room one night to see this spray painted on his door: GEM WUZ HERE. He scowled and yelled "GEM!" The young wizard appeared in the doorway. She said "And so I arrive, like a sudden windstorm at a kindergarten picnic!" "Wha?" Dimentio was confused. HE had said that once, plus, Gem didn't use similes. What was going on? "Well, I must be going." Said Gem after a few moments. "Ciao!" She snapped her fingers and disappeared in a shower of glowing green leaves. The jester stared at the spot where Gem had stood. He then realized what the girls were going to do. "Oh no," he said, grimacing. "They're going to quote me all day tomorrow." Well, he was right. The next day, when he went to confront the girls, to beat them at their own game, they kept quoting him. "Ok, the joke's up. I know you two are going to quote me all day. So I'm just gonna go ahead and put this out there, DON'T." The wizard and the mutant, cat, thing looked at each other. "You know what this place needs?" Said Gem smiling. Both girls exclaimed "Some MAGIC!" Green sparks flew from Gem's wand and hit Dimentio right in the face. Gem and Kitty snickered. Dimentio began to lose his temper. "I SAID STOP!" "My, aren't we hot blooded." Said Kitty. The jester stormed back upstairs and locked himself in his room. It didn't help much that the girls were outside his door quoting him every other second, but eventually he calmed down. "I hope these girls finish up quickly." He muttered to himself. "Because if they keep this up, I'm going to explode." Little did he know, Gem and Kitty had only just gotten started.

Annoyance 10: I KNOW A SONG...

BANG BANG BANG. Dimentio was hitting his head against the wall. The girls were skipping around him singing in loud, obnoxious voices, "I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, and this is how it goes, I know a song that'll get on your nerves..." And so on and so forth. They had been doing this all day long. Finally, Dimentio just went to bed. But he could hear Gem and Kitty singing softly outside his door "I know a song that'll get on your nerves..." He put his head under his pillow, but it didn't help. "Why me?" He muttered into his pillow. Why you? 'Cause your fun to annoy!

Annoyance 11: HERSHEY PARK!

"PLEASE Count?" Gem and Kitty begged. "Sigh, alright, said Count Bleck. We can go." "YES!" Both girls leaped for joy. "Thanks Bleck!" "Thanks!" They had been begging the Count for about half an hour to take everyone to Hershey Park the next day. It was a win win for them- they got to ride rides AND annoy Dimentio while at it! Of course, they would let him have fun, they're not THAT evil. But they would still annoy him. They ran past Dimentio so fast they nearly sent him flying into a wall. "Gem. Kitty. Dare I ask, what are you two so excited about?" "We're going to Hershey Park!" They exclaimed together. "The what now?" Gem and Kitty gasped. "You don't know what Hershey Park is?" Shouted Gem incredulously. "We need to get this guy a taste of Hershey Park happiness!" Declared Kitty. "Dimentio," said Gem. "Hershey Park is one of the best amusement parks in the world! And we're going there tomorrow!" "And the best part is," said Kitty with a dreamy look on her face. "The theme of the park is... CHOCOLATE!" "Yeah, whatever." Said Gem rolling her eyes. Gem, as you may be able to see, did not like chocolate. "I like the roller coasters better!" "You mean like Storm Runner?" Teased Kitty. "I told you to never bring that up!" "Uh, what's Storm Runner?" "Only the most terrifying roller coaster I've ever been on." Said Gem, shuddering at the memory. Kitty's eyes lit up. "Hey Dimmy," she said. "I challenge you to a dare." "What is it?" Asked Dimentio suspiciously. "I dare you to ride Storm Runner with me, and if you do it without chickening out, I'll give you five bucks." "Alright. You're on." Said Dimentio. Him and Kitty shook hands.

The next day: "Why?" "Because Dimwit, I don't think that many people in the real world are used to seeing flying jesters at Hershey Park!" "But Gem-" "Stop whining like a baby! Ditch the mask, ditch the hat, don't use magic, and put on real world clothes!" Count Bleck had used magic to make Nastasia, Mimi, and himself look a little more realworldistic. O' Chunks wasn't going because he had said "Roller coasters don't exactlah agree with mah belly... You go on withou' mah." And of course, since L technically WAS from the real world, he didn't have to do anything to alter his appearance. Tippi, however, had been beat up by Kitty again, so riding roller coasters- not the best idea for her at that time! Kitty had her cat ears hidden underneath a purple baseball cap, while her claws were kept sheathed and she had asked the Count to turn her tail invisible because she knew Dimentio would probably blow it up if she asked him. And Gem just had to wear different clothes, but Dimentio was refusing to wear something else. "Well, maybe I don't HAVE any real world clothes!" "Didn't think so! So I got you these." She threw a pair of jeans and a purple and yellow striped t-shirt at his face. "Ok, there is NO way I'm wearing these." Gem pointed her wand at him.

A few minutes later: "I can't BELIEVE I'm wearing these." "Oh, just deal with it." Said Kitty. They were in a bus Count Bleck had rented and were in the real world heading through Pennsylvania. "Quiet you two... Said Count Bleck." "Yeah!" Said Mimi. "Don't be such a let down Dimmy!" "Um, Dimentio, Mimi's got a point. I mean, we are going there to have fun, right?" Said Nastasia. "The secretary's right." Said L. "We're here to take a break from... Ok what are we taking a break from?" They all shrugged. "Listen guys," said Gem. "This is Hershey Park we're talking about! Nobody can NOT have fun there, even if its only for 5 minutes." Then she froze. "Wait, who's driving?" (The bus was sorta like a party bus with seats in the back so you can't see the driver.) They all turned around slowly. There was some random guy behind the wheel. "Huh, Count Bleck guesses the company gave us a driver." "Hi!" The guy called. "My name's Bob, and yes, I'm from the bus company. And I gotta say, you 6 are the weirdest bunch I've ever seen, no offense." "Oh, yeah, like when you say 'no offense' everyone doesn't take offense." Kitty muttered rolling her eyes. "Sorry, it's just, um, you have pink hair, you have green hair, you also have pink hair, you're dressed fancy enough anyone would think you were going to a wedding, you look fairly normal, yet who knows for sure, and you... uh... I don't even know what to say about you, you're just... weird." "I second that!" called Gem. "Shut up." Dimentio muttered, crossing his arms. Soon they were in the parking lot. They got a few strange looks on their way to the gates, but one look from the Count was enough to make them turn around. After they had paid, Bob ran off in another direction yelling back to meet him at 10:00 that night at the bus. It was summertime, so the water park was open. Gem and Kitty bolted to the changing rooms and came out wearing bathing suits. They literally dragged the others to the wave pool. Nastasia, Mimi, L, and Count Bleck stayed on the pool chairs, while they had forced Dimentio to look after the girls. The jester was sitting on the fence by the deep end. The girls looked at each other, nodded, and dove underwater. They silently swam over to where Dimentio was sitting, burst out of the water, grabbed him, and yanked him back into the water with them, and yes, he still had the t-shirt and jeans on. He resurfaced, coughing and spitting out water. "What the heck was that for!?" He shouted. "We thought you should go for a swim!" Replied Gem. "Besides," said Kitty. "The Count told you to keep an eye on us, and what better way to do that than get in the water with us." Dimentio scowled, but stayed in the pool. After about half an hour, they climbed out. They didn't dry off, because the next ride they all, even Dimentio ("Well I'm already wet as it is, what difference would it make?") agreed to go on was the log flume, Tidal Force. They all went on it this time, twice, and they all had fun. Gem and Kitty then went on a water slide called Vortex while the others waited for them at the bottom. They then all dried off and left the water park to ride some roller coasters. "Dimentio," said Gem. "Don't forget about the dare you made with Kitty!" "I won't." He muttered. "Why don't we just get it over with now?" Asked Kitty brightly. Dimentio agreed and they headed to the Storm Runner. The others, including Gem chose to wait where the pictures would come out. Kitty and Dimentio jumped into the front car when it was their turn. Then, Kitty jumped out. "See ya on the other side!" She called and ran out the exit. Dimentio glared in her direction. *Hopefully this won't be as bad as Gem made it out to be* he thought nervously. The coaster slowly slid out from under the roof of the roller coaster house and stopped. Dimentio gulped. A voice on the intercom said "Are you ready? Dispatch!" The cars shot onto the track, and even from the ground, Gem, Kitty, and the minions could hear the jester's screams. Exactly 58 seconds later, the pictures popped up on the screen. Everyone burst out laughing as Dimentio's picture came up. He was clutching the bar so tight his knuckles were white, and his mouth was open in a silent scream. Then he staggered out of the exit. "I hate you guys." He said. "Nice to see you too." Muttered Gem. "Why would you do that?" The girls opened their mouths. "And DON'T say what I think you're going to say!" "What do you think we're gonna say?" Asked Kitty. "You know what I mean. The "to annoy you is our life's dream" thing." "Whatever." Said Gem. "Here's your five bucks." Said Kitty tossing it at him. He caught it, made sure it was real, and put it in his pocket. After that, they took a break for lunch. Afterwards, Dimentio felt a little better, so they all headed back to the roller coasters. Gem and Kitty promised they would not trick him into going on any more crazy rides. Even so, when they wanted to go on a non-coaster ride called the Claw, he hung back with the other minions until he was sure it wasn't life-threatening. Many rides later, blah blah blah, they headed out of the park. They met Bob back at the bus and climbed in. Gem and Kitty had both gotten water ice from Rita's. Kitty got Swedish Fish and Gem got blue raspberry. By the time they were done, Kitty's mouth was entirely red, and Gem's was the same, only blue. "So," began the young wizard. "How did everyone like Hershey Park?" The reviews were mostly good, except for Dimentio, who thought it was kind of...meh. He really likes that word doesn't he? Anyway, Bob drove back the way they had came. "So, uh, where am I supposed to drop you guys off again?" Bleck spoke up "Right over there said Count Bleck." Bob had a hard time deciding what was weirder, the fact that Bleck's name was Bleck, the fact that he had just talked in the third person, or that the Count had just pointed at a green pipe sticking out of the ground by the side of the road. "Um, are you sure?" "Count Bleck is sure." "Uh, ok then." He dropped them off and drove away. The 7 waited until Bob was out of sight, then jumped into the warp zone. To tired to do anything else, they all went straight to their rooms. Most went to sleep, but Gem and Kitty stayed up a little while longer, planning the next annoyance.

Annoyance 12:THE STUPIDEST MOVIE EVER CREATED!

"Ugh, that was painful." "I agree completely Gem." "Kitty, I'm sorry I ever watched that." The two girls had just sat through a whole hour of The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach, and they both agreed that it was the stupidest movie ever created. "The story made just about no sense, and the music was just plain annoying. DAAAHH!" Complained Kitty. Then, Gem, who had slumped down against the wall, suddenly sat bolt upright. "Kitty, say that again." "What? Daaahhh?" "No! Before that." "The music was just plain annoy... Oooooohhhhhh." Kitty said, understanding now. "Gem, do you mean...?" "Yep. Kitty, we just figured out our next annoyance. Lets go!" They snuck through the castle halls, looking for the jester, and finally found him floating through the halls on the second floor. They poked their heads around a corner. "Ok. I'm ready." said Kitty enthusiastically. "Ok, we need to- wait, where'd you get the burlap sack?" "Um, I found it." "Where did you- you know what, never mind. Just get to him and get him in. I'll distract him." They nodded in agreement. Gem ran through the hall and caught up with Dimentio. "Hey Dimwit!" She called, for she didn't like him very much. He turned and sighed, hoping she wasn't about to hit him in the face or something. Gem, being a wizard, was pretty clever, and thought up a distraction in a few seconds. "Have you seen Scout?" She asked worriedly, although she was perfectly aware that the heck hound was curled up on the top bunk bed in the guest room, where she slept. "I can't find him anywhere, and I'm scared that something might have happened to him!" "Look, Gem, I really don't have time for this." He started to turn around, but Gem grabbed him to prevent him from seeing Kitty sneaking up behind him, burlap sack in hand. "But please! You need to help me!" She cried, still putting on a very convincing act. "Sigh, fine. Where did you last see him?" The young wizard just smirked. "You know, you're more of a dimwit than I first thought." "Wait, what do you mean?" "I mean, you need to learn. Don't listen to Kitty and I." Then, Kitty yanked the sack over his head, and the two girls dragged him back to their room, ready to force him to watch the worst movie in the history of the world.

1 hour later: Dimentio walked out of the guest room, his eye twitching, and possibly, his brains splattered all over the inside of his head.

Annoyance 13: LOVE HURTS! REALLY...

Gem and Kitty were once again sitting in their room scheming. Gem eventually spoke up. "You know Kitty, they still don't know about your power." "Oh! You mean the power to make people-" "Shhhh! Not so loud! Someone might hear you! Yes, we're talking about the same thing. What do you say? Ready to have a little fun tonight?" Kitty nodded, a devilish look in her eyes.

That night: The girls crept into Tippi's room in the middle of the night. "How did I know you would pick Tippi first?" Whispered Gem sarcastically. Kitty, ignoring this comment, slunk over to the bed. She opened her hand, and red sparkling dust appeared, floating above her palm. She whispered the name Dimentio to it, then sprinkled it over Tippi's sleeping form. She smirked and headed over to the doorway, where Gem was still waiting. "Lets go." She mouthed, and they headed to the next room, Mimi's. "I know she already loves him," whispered Kitty mischievously. "But lets just give her a little encouragement, shall we?" Gem nodded and Kitty proceeded to do the same thing to Mimi that she had done to Tippi. The final destination was Nastasia's spotless room. "I feel really bad about doing this." Said Kitty softly. "Kitty, it's for the sake of the mission. Besides, you can take the enchantment off her once we're done." Reluctantly, Kitty agreed, and soon they were stealthily moving back to their own room. They settled in their beds, awaiting dawn, to see the effects of their latest annoying efforts.

The next day: Dimentio's tormentors were just around the corner from the hallway where he had encountered the three of Kitty's victims. They were giggling softly at the sounds of girls' voices squealing "He's mine!" or "No! He loves ME!" or "You guys are both wrong! I'm his true love! Isn't that right Dimmy?" All in all, it was pretty hilarious. They even burst out laughing when there was the sound of ripping fabric and Mimi cried "I got half of his hat!" Count Bleck, having heard the commotion, came down the hallway. "What is with all the yelling exclaimed Count Bleck!?" The two girls, unable to stop laughing, simply pointed around the corner. The count took one look at the mob of girls swarming the jester and burst out laughing as well. He was the only one in the castle that had been informed of Kitty's Cupid-like talent, so he knew that this was fake. There was the sound of wood breaking, then Dimentio's scream, and a few broken mask pieces flew over to where the three were watching the event unfold. Gem pocketed the pieces, explaining that he wouldn't be able to fix his mask if he didn't know where all of the pieces were. "Well," said Count Bleck about half an hour later. "This has been fun, but Count Bleck must be going now. Goodbye you two." "Bye!" They exclaimed together. "Alright Kitty, I think that's enough for one day." Kitty agreed and took the spell off of the three girls, but not before dragging them away from the now injured jester. Dimentio was now lying on the floor, having been knocked unconscious, with his mask broken, his hat split in two, and his clothes nearly in shreds. Those girls really went all out on him. That was exactly what was going through Gem and Kitty's heads as they left him behind in the hallway smiling.

Annoyance 14: DOWNFALL!

"Hey Kitty, what's next on our list?" Asked Gem one morning. "Uh, let me see." Kitty pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and scanned it. "Number 14: Make him watch his own downfall." "Yes! Super Paper Mario time!" "Can I be the one to play?" "Uh, how about this, you play up until the final boss, then I take over." "Sounds good to me! I'm just getting out of the Overthere." "Have you fought Bonechill yet?" "I'm just outside the door to that fight." "Alright, well, we'd better get going then." So they went into the TV room and literally pushed O'Chunks off the couch to get on the Wii, leaving him lying on floor wondering what in the name of Grambi had just happened.

45 minutes later: "And... We're at Super Dimentio!" "Finally! I lost track of how many times you died in that labyrinth." "Hey! It's not like your the best gamer yourself!" "Did I say that? Whatever, just hand me the remote." "Here you go." "Thanks. You go get Unicorn Boy, and hurry!" Kitty ran off to find him while Gem prepared for the battle. She pressed the two button as quickly as she could to get through the cutscene, then paused the game just as the freaky blend of the Chaos Heart, Luigi, and Dimentio was about to attack Bowser, the one she was playing as. A few minutes later, Kitty came back dragging Dimentio in by a coil of anti-magic rope she had tied around his waist. The half cat girl sat him down on the couch and forced him to look at the TV screen. He tried to say something, but his mouth had been duct tape. "Um, Kitty?" "Yeah Gem?" "Look, I'm all for annoying, torturing, and even maiming Dimentio, but isn't this a little overkill considering all we're doing is making him watch me play Wii?" Kitty paused for a moment, thinking, then exclaimed "Nah!" and Gem un paused the game. And so the jester was forced to watch himself get crushed by Bowser, explode, and his evil plans failing. This, as anticipated, brought back horrible memories for him. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he was pushed to the floor and brutally beaten with Wii remotes and game boxes. There was no protection on his face because since he couldn't find the pieces Gem stole, his mask was still broken. He went to bed that night with a broken eye and a black nose. Yup, you read that right.

Annoyance 15: GOING DEAF!

Dimentio woke up the next morning feeling something was different. Everything was quiet. Mimi wasn't yelling at him for stealing her diary, O'Chunks wasn't shouting random words, Bleck wasn't screaming for everyone to get up, Nastasia wasn't scolding anyone for doing something wrong, Tippi wasn't fighting with Nastasia, Mr. L wasn't blowing something up, and Gem and Kitty weren't trying to annoy him. It was kind of nice, but weird at the same time. He went downstairs to see everyone else whispering together. Wait, whispering? Kitty noticed him first and whispered softly "Oh! Hi Dimentio." "Sup" whispered Gem. This made him even more confused. These two were NEVER quiet. "What are you doing?" He asked. "What do you mean?" Whispered Gem, sounding confused. "Why are you whispering?" "Whispering? We're talking in normal voices. You must be losing your hearing." They resumed whispering with Bleck and the others. The rest of the day, everything was quiet. Gem and Kitty had really outdone themselves this time. They had unplugged all the speakers from, well, everything and forced everyone in Bleck castle to whisper all day. O'Chunks accidentally talked in a normal voice once, but they improvised and covered their ears, whispering "Why are you screaming?!" That night, the two girls waited silently outside of Dimentio's room. They were waiting for the stroke of midnight. A few minutes before, they crept into the room and positioned themselves beside the jester's bed. At exactly 12 that night, they both screamed in his ear "GOTCHA!" Therefore knocking him off the bed. They ran laughing their heads off back to their rooms before Dimentio could even get off the floor.

Annoyance 16: HAVE AT YOU!

"Have at you! Have at you! Have at you!" "Ungghhh. Would you two just SHUT UP!" Gem and Kitty were jumping around Dimentio screaming have at you at the top of their lungs. They had put on black masks, green bandanas, green hats with backwards L's, and black jumpsuits. In other words, they were both dressed exactly like Mr. L, the only one other than Count Bleck and the girls who could annoy him like that. "Nope! Have at you! Have at you! Have at you!" They continued to yell. "Ugg. That's it! I'm going to bed!" "But it's noon! Have at you!" Gem called. "Don't care!" Was his only response. As you may have guessed, the whole rest of the day and night as well, the two girls stood outside Dimentio's door whispering "have at you! Have at you! Have at you!" The jester groaned as he pounded his face into his pillow. This, as all had been since those girls' arrival, was going to be a long night.

Annoyance 17: FORGED NOTES!

"Ok, how does this sound Gem? Dear Dimmy, I love you sooooo much! I always have and always will! And I wish you would stop being such a doofus and tell me that you love me! After all, how could anyone resist my cuteness? Hugs and kisses, Mimikins." "That's perfect Kitty! It sounds exactly like her! Now, all we need to do is slip it under his door before he wakes up. Lets go!" The girls snuck over to his room and slipped the pink piece of paper underneath the door. They then ran back to their room, giggling as they went. Sure enough, Dimentio found the note and wasn't exactly happy about it. He knocked on Mimi's door, a frown on his face. When the little green shapeshifter opened the door, she looked surprised to see him. "Dimmy? What are you doing here? And why do you look so mad?" "I've come to ask you what the deal is with this note Mimi." He thrust the note into her hand. Mimi read it, and when she was done, she looked confused. "I never wrote this..." "Yes you did." "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "Did not!" "Did too!" And so on and so forth. Gem and Kitty, who were hiding just around a corner, were thoroughly enjoying this childish display. Kitty managed to get it all on video as well! This went on for a few hours, until it got physical. Snap! "Ah ha ha ha, Mimi, did you really think you could best me?" Crack! "Mimimimimimimimimimimimimi!" "Oh dear Grambi..." "Hey, Kitty," "Yeah Gem?" "Your still getting this right?" "Every word, every move." "Good. For now, lets just enjoy the show." "I agree completely."

Annoyance 18: HULA!

"Kitty, where'd you even get this stuff?" "I know a guy." "Ah." "Come on, help me put them in." "K. What are we going to do with his regular clothes?" "Throw them in L's room. That way Dimentio will think he did it and not us." "Good idea. After all, nobody likes him. Now, lets get out of here!"

The next day: "What the- where'd all my clothes go? And why- ooh, I'm gonna kill whoever did this! And I've got a pretty good idea too." Dimentio was thinking of the girls. He knew they were behind this. Luckily for him, he still had one normal outfit (if you can call it that). He floated angrily down the stairs. The rest of them were eating breakfast. None of them were concerned about Dimentio, he was always late anyway. When they saw him hovering above in the doorway, with an annoyed look on his face, they couldn't help but laugh. The reason for their laughter was that he was holding a hula skirt, a fruit hat, and a coconut bra. "Who and why?" He said through gritted teeth. Gem stepped up to him and whispered in his ear, "I think I saw Mr. L heading for his room with your clothes. You should check there." Dimentio, ready for any tricks, headed to the "green thunder's" room, where sure enough, his clothes had been stuffed under the bed. And so, the psychotic jester spent the rest of the day chasing the brainwashed plumber around Castle Bleck, while the two girls got everything on video yet again.

Annoyance 19: PRESCHOOL BALLET!

"So, uh, where are you taking me?" "You'll see." "Girls, really, I-" "Hey, if you just shut up, you'll see. So just, you know, shut up!" "Sigh." The girls were dragging Dimentio through a city in the real world. They pulled him into a theater, where, as only they knew, the local preschool was putting on a production of "Swan Lake". As all preschool plays are, (sorry preschoolers, but it's true) it was sure to be terrible. Gem had brought her iPad and ear buds, while Kitty had brought her phone and ear buds. This way, they could block out the sounds of the piano. They shoved the demasked jester into a chair in the front row and sat down themselves. The plugged in the ear buds and stuck them in their ears, using their hair to hide the cords. They put their electronic devices behind them and made sure Dimentio was tightly tied to the chair. They also put duct tape on his mouth so he wouldn't distract the dancers. In a few minutes, Dimentio was being tortured by dancing and even singing preschoolers (yeah, I don't know) while Gem and Kitty were rocking out to what they referred to as "real" music.

Annoyance 20: FINALE! FANGIRL ATTACK!

"Well Kitty, seeing as this is our final annoyance, I think we should pull out the best we've got." "Oh, Gem, you don't mean-" "Oh I mean." Both girls looked at each other, mischievous smiles curling on their lips. They then both said together quietly, "Fangirls."

Many phone calls later: "Heh heh heh, Kitty, I think we're ready." "Yup. All we need to do now is wait for them to get here." DING DONG! "They're here!" "You're getting the door!" "Kitty!" "Hey I don't wanna get trampled!" "And what makes you think I do!?" "Just get the door!" "Sigh, fine." Gem walked over to the door and opened it. She nearly got run over by crazed fangirls screaming "WHERE'S DIMMY!? I WANNA SEE DIMMY!" "He's down the hall to the left!" Called the young wizard, now lying on the floor due to being hit by the door when it flew open. The stampeding girls raced down the hall, almost crushing O'Chunks, who had no idea what was going on. Kitty snickered as Gem got up wearily. "Shut up Furface." "Whatever Impbrain!" The girls smiled. They were best friends, so they didn't mean their insults. "Ok Gem. Lets go see the carnage!" "Yay! Destruction rules!" And so both of them raced down the hall to see what damage the crazy girls had done. When they caught up with the fangirls, all that you could see of them and Dimentio was a huge cloud of dust. Kitty and Gem both video taped it this time, and after about half an hour, they decided this was enough. "HEY!" Gem called out. The girls turned to her. "The Count's down the hall! Just thought I'd let you know." The fangirls took a moment to glance at each other, then all took off down the hall to find the Count. "Do you think it was right to set them on the Count?" Asked Kitty nervously. "Eh, he'll be able to deal with it." They stepped up to Dimentio, who was now in a LOT of pain. "Well Kitty, I believe our work here is done." "Yep! We've officially annoyed Dimentio for 20 days straight! Mission accomplished!" "I'll say! Lets go Kitty. He can take care of himself later. Goodbye Dimwit!" "Bye Dimmy!" And so the wizard and the half cat girl said goodbye to their friends, and headed out the door, to another door that led to Flopside tower, from which they could teleport (with the use of Gem's magic) back home.

THE END.

L: Whew! It's finally over! That was a long story!

P: Tell me about it!

L: Oh, hey! You're awake!

P: Yeah, I woke up around annoyance 6.

L: Huh. Well, I'm really glad we finished. This was taking waaaay too long.

P: I've been wondering, do you think Dimentio will be mad that we wrote a book about how we tortured him?

L: Nah, he'll be fine with it.

D: I'M GONNA KILL YOU TWO!

L: Or maybe not...

P: How did he even get in here?

L: I have no idea, but I suggest we run! Anyway, thanks for reading Lifegem and Purplekitty's Guide to Annoying Dimentio! Hope to see you soon!

D: (snaps and makes explosions around the girls)

L: Okwegottagogoodbye!

P: Bye!

L & P: (run for their lives from a psychotic jester)

THE REAL END.


End file.
